Due to the lack of everything from our recent move, I loaded up all 7 kids in the car and headed to the store today. We were in need of a bunch of stuff. Of course the kids got wild and restless. Shopping for 2 hours isn't that exciting, so they felt the need to create their own excitement. Needless I came home disgruntled, with 4 grounded kids, a bunch of stuff I had forgot, a bunch of stuff I didn't want (but what covertly put into the cart by the kids) and feeling like a freak show due to all the people staring at me and my many children. And most of all I felt guilty. Guilty that I hadn't been a better example of righteous happy motherhood. I kept thinking the whole time of Julie B. Beck and her powerful talks about being a positive example of motherhood to the world, and that I wasn't doing a very good job. Now that we are no longer in Utah and we live in a place of a lot more non LDS people, I keenly feel the importance of demonstrating our values and beliefs concerning families and motherhood. I felt today that somehow I had let Sister Beck down. Being a mother is so stinkin hard and being a happy mother is sometimes harder. I realized a lot today the need I have to work on that. I need to study, pray, and ponder about my vital role as a motherhood and as an example to the world on that, so on days like this it is easier to fufill that role in a way that's pleasing to me and to our Father in Heaven. So I can be as it says in Psalms 113 "...a joyful mother of children."
Cortney,, I only have 3-- but I constantly go through this battle.. the battle with the kids in the store :-) but more frequently the battle I have allowing happiness to be a part of me. Having little ones makes this hard for me for some reason.. I feel so torn in so many ways that my mind has a hard time remembering sometimes just to let myself be happy. I want to do better with this too so I can be an example as well (we live in Kansas City) - but also so I can't feel the Spirit when I am frustrated or anxious... When I am more positive I feel the Spirit more and am able to serve the Lord more fully. -- that leads to more happiness I guess too hun... :-)
ReplyDeleteI love you Cortney... thanks for sharing your the best - I needed to hear this today!!!!!!!!!
All I long I thought you are a great example of motherhood. Super Mom usually comes to my mind when I think of you & your family. Your doing awesome . . . don't let the devil trick you into thinking anything else. You are an amazing mom. The fact that you took 7 kids to the store proves your bravery. Yeah we all need to work harder, but don't forget as long as you are doing your best it is enough. You are an awesome, you forget what the people at the grocery store don't see: Pirate Day, summer activities, late nights, reading books to your kids, your kids wanting to be baptizied. Yeah you may not have been perfect but those people don't get to see your when you are. Your doing great! Just don't forget it. Love ya- TIff
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